I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
