I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
