I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this will be a night to untag.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
