K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
