We named our party play list daddy issues
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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