that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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