need another drink. this is the easiest way
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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