guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
