Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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