One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
