you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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