You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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