just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize