Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
