Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
