I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
