I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
