hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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