4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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