i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
