he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
