Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
