and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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