If that was your dad, he is hot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
