Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
