she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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