my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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