so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
