Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
