Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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