I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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