He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
