Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
