Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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