Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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