We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
