im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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