Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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