Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
