its not stalking. its research.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I currently don't understand fingers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
