So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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