I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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