My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize