It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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