dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
