In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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