i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
