i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize