dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
