my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
