I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
