drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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